Things that Irritate me about the Alcohol World

As I've written and exclaimed many times before alcohol is made to be enjoyed by you. Yes, you there in your underwear eating Cheez-It crackers while you watch The Devil Wears Prada for the 900th time. It's your money so drink it and enjoy it how you want.

HOWEVER...

There are several things in the alcohol world that irritate me to no end and I'm sure some of these things are near and dear to many of you. So...rather than simply leaving this very serious group I would hope you would banter with me a little bit.

Not sure why I'm in a bit of a list mood lately but I'll try to change up my format. Anyway - here are some things in no particular order that irritate me about the alcohol world:

A) People who swirl wine glasses and say, "This wine has nice legs." Stop. Do you swirl your beer and say, "Look at the tits on this bitch..." No, you don't. So please stop harassing your innocent wine glass.

7) The word "dram" - unless you use terms like loo, rubbish, knob and collywobbles then you needn't say dram. You're not fancy for saying dram and YES I KNOW IT'S A DRAM OF WHISKY but you went to Lamar University and are from Dayton so STOP.

ii) Snobby beer people who have had a way more exclusive, terrible tasting beer than you. We get it. You're into double reverse cowgirl butt stouts that are aged in barber shop sanitizer vases. At the end of the day my single shot of [insert any whisky / scotch / bourbon / cognac] is better than your grog.

9.a) People who tell me you're not supposed to smell the cork of a wine bottle when it is opened at a restaurant. FIRST OF ALL, my dear meddlesome serf it helps me get a quick indication of whether the wine has been stored properly. After said sniff I then turn my attention to the tiny amount they pour into my glass waiting on me to deliver some intricately deep confirmation that their wine is indeed drinkable by my shitfaced friends. Also I paid for it so eat my taint.

Next) My wife says when I aerate my alcohol through my teeth. LOL I totally do that.

Also) My wife says when I demand certain wines, whisky, etc. be served in certain types of glasses. Girl, I ain't changing. BRANG THE BORDEAUX GLASSES!

X) When you host a fine wine tasting and you expect me to spit the wine out BUT LOL YOU KNOW WHY I'M HERE BRO.

Finally) The word mouthfeel. Don't get me wrong. I say it. It has to be said to describe alcohol but I feel like that's an adjective used car salesmen with oily mustaches use and it makes me uncomfortable. We need a word for it - I recommend THE SWISHERY. The swishery on that scotch is mighty fine.

Anyway, you have anything that bothers you other than annoying guys who post too much about booze? Lemme know.